Forgiving

Good morning wonderful grandchildren!!

I was in nursery Sunday and the children were pretty well behaved. When abuses occurred, we worked to help the abuser realize that stealing, pushing, etc., were not friendly behavior and that the offender should apologize.

While we were kind and loving first to the offended and then to the offender, we did not teach the offended about forgiving. This is probably ok for this age group would be quite incorrect for early teens. Why the requirement to forgive?

What is accomplished by forgiveness? Let's take a moment to review the "four Rs" of repentance:

Recognition - one must see that they have made a mistake.
Remorse - one must be sorry that they made the mistake.
Restitution - one must repay the debt where possible.
Resolve - one must be working on eliminating similar future acts from his life.

Some time into such a path on offenders life would begin to improve. Again though, how is forgiving useful. Beyond the basics of avoiding vengeance - important that it is.

Helpful forgiveness should involve the "four Rs" also, as follows:

Recognition - one must see that they were violated.
Remorse - one must see that that violation hurt them.
Restitution - one must seek that restitution is necessary and request an appropriate restitution.
Resolve - one must resolve never to commit that act.

Thus, one truly can "learn good from evil". The quick forgiveness is not as useful as a well thought out and processed forgiveness.

And, while both repentance and forgiveness are difficult, we can honestly say that it is better to forgive that to be forgiven.

And one last word. There is no responsibility to interact with an offender again. Neither choice makes one a better person. Relationships can always be cut off - having someone offend does not give them some kind of automatic access to your life.

Love,
G'pa Bob